I've been planning this post all evening, yet I still don't know how to start it. I guess I'm kinda proving my own point. Of course, you have no idea what point I'm proving because I haven't written it yet.
Problems all the way around.
Let me try to start again...
Those of you who know me personally can attest to something: I'm not very good at anything. There, I said it so you don't have to. Of course, my mother will read this and try to convince me that this assertion isn't true and that I'm good at so many things. I know that this will happen because a similar scenario played out several times over the course of my childhood.
"Mom, I'm not good at anything," I'd say.
"Bryan, dear, that's just not true," my mom would respond, "you're good at a lot of things."
"Like what?" I'd ask. When a mom makes an encouraging assertion like that, you have to get her on the record. Honestly, she can't just throw crap like that out there. If I'm good at something, I want to know exactly what it is so I can start thinking about it and hopefully show it off at school the next day.
Over time, I think my memories of these conversations have become blurred somewhat because I remember a few seconds of hesitation as my mom tried to think of something specific that I was good at. I'm pretty sure that there wasn't really any hesitation because: a) my mom loved me and actually thought I was good at something and b) she had to know that too long a pause in answering that question would make me feel bad. My mom's not an idiot.
I'm purposefully building up the answer my mom gave so you can sense just how much of a letdown it usually was (sorry, Mom).
"You're good at being a friend," she'd say. It wasn't always that. Sometimes she said I was good at thinking of others or at helping people. There were a few others mixed in there too, but they all revolved around the same basic theme: I was good at gushy, hard-to-measure stuff and not at anything cool. She never said you're good at basketball, football, skeet-shooting, swordplay, or any of the things I actually wanted to be good at. It was almost always something vague and unverifiable and, quite honestly, at least a little lame.
I'm really glad I stopped having these conversations as I got older. I'd hate to ask my mom what I'm good at now that I've grown up and become an insufferable jack-ass. Seriously, I don't think anyone's said I'm good at being a friend in over ten years.
But, I digress.
Now that I'm technically an adult, I sometimes suffer from the same belief that I'm not very good at anything, at least not anything cool. I've tried my hand at cool things, but nothing really pans out. For example, I play the guitar and have for a long, long time. But, I still don't play well enough that anyone would ever want to listen. It never once helped me with the ladies back when I was single, which was kind of the whole point of learning to play the guitar. Seriously, my wife and I were actually already engaged before she'd ever heard me play. Quite honestly, I think my guitar playing made her think twice about marrying me.
Anyway, maybe I'm just in a foul mood lately, but, these days it seems like my guitar experience is a microcosm of everything I try to do.
Now that you're all feeling good and sorry for me, I'll get to the point. One of the few things that I reckon I do pretty well is write. You probably couldn't gather from this blog that I'm a good writer, but I am really not too shabby in that department. I'm lucky enough to have a job that requires me to write on a more or less frequent basis and quite a bit of what I've written has actually seen the light of day. Sadly, nothing I've written for my job, no matter how exceptional it may have been, has been or will ever be attributed to me. Call it vanity or pride, but I don't want that to be the ultimate desitination that one thing I'm good at takes me.
Though I'd been thinking about this for a while, this realization hit me last week when I got the wonderful news that my good friend Rob Wells just signed a three-book deal with Harper-Collins. That's crazy good news and I'm legitimately psyched for him. But, hearing about this also got me wishing that I, too, could someday get money and/or recognition for writing something. So, almost immediately after hearing his news, I decided that I was going to write a novel of my own. I'd had a story kicking around my head for a few months and thought that I could put it to paper in a week or so and, in two or three weeks, be cashing my own Harper-Collins checks. Mine, of course, would be much bigger because I'm a much better writer than Rob and I have a law degree (lawyers have to get paid twice as much as regular people...look it up).
I promptly outlined the story and began writing over the weekend. Sadly, I got about five pages into the thing before I realized that it sucked. This wasn't just my inner critic trying to silence my creativity, it was an objective fact. I literally did not like anything that was showing up on my computer screen. I found myself constantly stuck, searching for words and ideas. Writing as a process just proved to be too frustrating.
I know what you're thinking: it was only one day. Well, smart guy, it was actually two days. And, I'm finally getting to my point, so pipe down.
Never one to give up on my dreams after a single attempt (usually I try four, sometimes five, times before I give up on my dreams), I've decided to grease the rails a little bit with something the pros like to call "practice." Though I spend a lot of time writing for work, it's usually to fulfill an assignment or obligation of some kind. It is almost never something that is 100 percent my idea, making the whole write-a-novel-and-outdo-Rob-Wells plan an especially daunting one. So, today I've decided that I'm going to spend at least one hour every night writing. It may end up coming in the form of blog posts or random crap that I don't show to anyone. The idea here is to go through the motions of actually writing my own stuff and hopefully pulling the stick out of my creative arse, figuratively speaking.
I'll likely continue to work on the book idea just to go through the creative exercise, if for nothing else. But, that's not my ultimate goal. My ultimate goal is to further develop what could be my only real talent, unless you consider being a good friend a talent, which I don't.
NOTE: My mom is the best mom in the entire universe. Seriously, she's way better than your mom. My account of her efforts to lovingly encourage me was meant to be humorous and only has a slight, passing relationship with reality.
SECOND NOTE: The title from this post comes from the movie Throw Momma from the Train, a forgotten gem of a film from the 1980s. It starred Billy Crystal as a writing teacher and he used that motto to encourage his class. After coming up with the title, I was reminded of this scene, which isn't too far from how I felt trying to start a novel of my own over the weekend:
6 comments:
I have only one literary claim to fame, and that is my screenplay, "Big Sky, Montana", which I wrote about 7-8 years ago and have done nothing with since. It did manage to get an award or two, though, so I'll just shed a little light on how I found success with writing...
1. Write.
2. Finish what you started, no matter how lousy it is.
3. Put it away for awhile.
4. Get feedback, and don't be defensive.
5. Rewrite.
6. Repeat until it doesn't suck or you have a better idea.
"Big Sky, Montana" went through about six drafts over 3 years before it was in decent shape. I learned a ton through that experience. I really think the draft/feedback/rewrite process is a great way to go.
I'll read your drafts. Or heck, Mr. Bigshot Lawyer, hire an editor, Moneybags! ;)
I'll give you a little piece of advice. Write a story about dragons. That's how I started out!
I have an idea...write a novel about a loving mother who thinks her son is a great writer and whatever he tries to do. She likes hearing him play the guitar. The son will, in the end of this great novel, realize, that being a good friend, is the only talent worth having!!!!!!! Did you hear a pause there?
Ten years ago when I started writing seriously, the advice I got was this: "Everybody has an idea for a book. Everybody says that one day they're going to sit down and write the Great American Novel. The difference between authors and everybody else is that authors actually do it."
I agree completely with what Sam said: Write, and finish what you write no matter how bad it is. And then write something else, and keep doing it.
All the people I personally know who write for the national market wrote for years and years before they were any good. My brother (who also has a three-book deal nationally) wrote five unpublished novels and finally sold his sixth. Brandon Sanderson was working on his 13th when he sold one.
Orson Scott Card once said that your first million words are crap. I don't personally believe that's always the case, but the principle stands. The question is: if you know the first million words are going to be crap, will you muscle through them, writing constantly, or will you give up because it's too daunting?
Frankly, I think you should write. Because, despite what your mom says, you're not that good at being a friend. :)
I'm not even a good friend, so I'd take that and run if I were you. I'd also have to agree with your mom, in the end that's all that matters! When you're rotting odds are the literary critics won't be the ones upset.
So take some pride in the fact that you've accomplished the feat of being a good friend at such a young age, despite what Wells writes, and kick some book writing booty or whatever else strikes your fancy...you'd probably make a great director I've seen some of your "footage" and I was impressed.
As an aside with a name like Robison Wells and that picture, or a similar one on the jacket, how could you not be a successful author? I'd buy the book based on those facts alone and know I was buying quality.
Did you read The War of Art?
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